How Do I Sign Up To Be a Bears Fan?

So the Vikings are moving to Arden Hills?

I'm so excited for a Monday night Vikes-Packers game where the blimp shows gorgeous views of endless flat parking lots and eight lane freeways. That makes our state look much better than 55 story glass office towers and bridges across the Mississippi that we're stuck with now. Why would we want anyone to think we live a dynamic city? I know when I'm looking for cities to go visit, I always say, "Where can I go that has cheap parking?" That's why I never go to Chicago (if you don't know me, there's a ton of sarcasm in this paragraph)

When people travel to other cities to go to games, do they ever say they hated Fenway or Wrigley because the parking was bad? I've never heard that. Yet when it comes to making local decisions, freeways always trump trains. Parking always trumps local businesses. Urban sprawl always wins out, and the metro area as a whole suffers one more blow.

So where do I sign up to be a Bears fan? I want to root for a city that I want to visit; a metro that I can still respect.